Premarital counseling is a type of intervention that helps couples prepare for marriage. Premarital counseling can help ensure that you and your partner have a strong, healthy, flourishing relationship — giving you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage. Premarital counseling can also help you identify weaknesses that could become problems during marriage.
Why premarital counseling:
Premarital counseling can help couples improve their relationships before marriage. Through premarital counseling, couples are encouraged to discuss topics related to marriage, such as:
• Finances
• Communication
• Beliefs and values
• Roles in marriage
• Affection and sex
• Children and parenting
• Family relationships
• Decision-making
• Dealing with anger
• Time spent together
• Individual and collective dreams
Premarital counseling helps partners improve their ability to communicate, set realistic expectations for marriage and develop conflict-resolution skills. In addition, premarital counseling can help couples establish a positive attitude about seeking help down the road.
Keep in mind that you bring your own values, opinions and history into a relationship, and they might not always match your partner’s. In addition, many people go into marriage believing it will fulfill their social, financial, sexual and emotional needs — and that’s not always the case. By discussing differences and expectations before marriage, you and your partner can better understand and support each other during marriage.
Early intervention is important because the risk of divorce is highest early in marriage.
Often in premarital counseling, each partner is asked to separately answer a written questionnaire to assess their perspectives of one another and their relationship. These questionnaires can also help identify a couple’s strengths, weaknesses and potential problem areas. The aim is to foster awareness and encourage couples to address concerns proactively. I will help you interpret your results together, encourage you to discuss areas of common unhappiness or disagreement, and set goals to help you overcome challenges.
I might also have you and your partner use a tool called a Couples Resource Map — a picture and scale of your perceived support from individual resources, relationship resources, and cultural and community resources. You and your partner will create separate maps at first. Following a discussion with me about differences between the two maps, you’ll create one map as a couple. The purpose is to help you and your partner remember to use these resources to help manage your problems.
In addition, I might ask you and your partner questions to find out your unique visions for your marriage and clarify what you can do to make positive changes in your relationship. I recommend books on building strong and resilient marriages.
Remember, preparing for marriage involves more than throwing a party. Take the time to build a solid foundation for your relationship to ensure a lifetime of uplifting and flourishing partnership and a great family life.
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